some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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