Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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