You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
