i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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