Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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