He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
