Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
a search helicopter?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
