To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
