Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
