Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There's even glitter on my cock...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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