$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
