That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
