My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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