In America we eat man semen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
