***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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