she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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