Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
