Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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