O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
