ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
