we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
