honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
