I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
