I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
