I have demons in me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
