capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
