Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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