I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
