Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
