My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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