he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
