ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
