need another drink. this is the easiest way
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
