i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
