she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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