Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
