So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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