HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
