apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
