hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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