I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
