Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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