And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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