You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
