so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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