Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
