My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
