Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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