i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
