hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
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