Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
