I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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